Got shitty this morning

I got fucking wasted last night with my good friend "it's a man's world." We were working on a list of "Cunts of the week" and were just generally feeling sorry for every cunt out there who thinks that they are better than ANY man. That's not the point of this story though. I didn't start this entry to talk about what I did last night, but rather what happened to me this morning. Ever drink Old Style? I have, and in great quantitties. If you know anything about Old Style, you know that the next day you will have absolutely no chance of having a solid shit. At 7:42am I awoke to my stomach gurgling, and my asshole was clinched tighter than a virgin's daughters pussy wrapped around a rain barrel. I was hurtin'. I tried to relieve some of the pressure by spouting off a light fart. This is normally a good idea since it increases your odds of making a successful journey to the shitter. Today was not my day. The seemingly innocent fart was quickly followed up with a flood of gastric juices and fiery hot diarrhea. I had shit myself. My favorite boxers are now ruined, and chances are that the Chinese cunt who had made them has already been worked to death. I am truly shitting a brick.