El Chauvinisto: Get your girl the gift she REALY wants… DISAPPOINTMENT!
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Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Get your girl the gift she REALY wants… DISAPPOINTMENT!

Are your stressing about what to get that girl who thinks you’re her boyfriend, but you never made it official so your not; but your getting her a Christmas gift anyways so she keeps blowing you?

Yeah me neither, but women like to think you spend all day worrying about this kinda shit so lets assume you ended up on this site in hopes to get her a great gift (it will shut her up for a few minutes so just play along).
Women hate to be happy! Women hate it almost as much as hearing the truth (MABTW).

Women ask questions there are no right answer to like “Do you think she is prettier than me?” while a Victoria’s Secret commercial is on.

This only leaves you with 3 wrong answers you can give, which will all ”Feel” (the women equivalent of listening) “Sound” to her like the following:

-“No, because I’m a liar and I don’t trust you enough to tell the truth”
-“No… She’s HOTTER than you. Saying that girl is JUST “pretty” is like saying Cancer is an incovinence. In fact I think I’m gonna start pretending you’re a more attractive person next time I fuck you.” (because she ”feels” “hears” all the things you “DON’T say”, when you answer with a simple yes)
- “Can we just skip to the part where you get mad at me for not answering this right?” (the only one she hears correctly, but still pisses her off)

However what men don’t realize when they answer these accusation traps “questions” is they are giving women EXACTLY what they want: fuel to be bitchy DISAPPOINTMENT!

Men, how many girls do you know that like to play the victim? That’s right, ALL OF THEM!

If you give women little shit to play the victim over, imagine how happy they will be when they go cry to all their whiney chick friends (or guy friends who they want attention from)but don't have any REAL problem after all.
If women didn’t love being disappointed, why do you think they would do any of the following:
-Allow themselves to stay in an abusive relationship
-Stay obsessed with a guy who told them “I like you, but I don’t wanna be with you”
-Use sex to lure a guy to do favors for them, then complain that all men do is use them for sex.

The list goes on forever, so I refuse to list it all because men not only get to the point, but cause they have one EVERYTIME before say something. However there is one thing I do need to put emphisis on… Give them LITTLE shit to be disappointed over. Something TOO BIG is just gonna get them to get a man to kick your ass.
A good way to determine if it is truly “little” is the man test... if another MAN cried to you about a similar problem would you look at him and go:
“what are you complaining about? Awwwwww, I’m sorry baby… does your quivering vagina hurt?”

How can you give girls their little bits of disappointment that she so desperately needs to fuel her pitty tank? Use these following gifts!
1. Clothes- No matter what you will fuck this up! You will either get the wrong size, something she doesn’t like, or something else stupid .

MAN-Vantage: Isn’t enough for her to stop loving your cock, but is surely enough to bring some light water works on Christmas morning.

MISS-advantage: You have to deal with her crying.

2. Dick in a Box- This has to be done right, but if executed the way A REAL MAN WOULD it will bring you both “joy”. Give her the dick in a box, after she opens it and fucks you because she’s a cock hungry whore She’s desperate to gain your approval she loves you prepare to execute her part of the gift. Explain that all you got her was the dick in a box (reason why doesn’t matter, a man can think up any excuse).

MAN-Vantage: She’ll cry for at least a day, and not talk to you for about a week, which is a definite WIN/WIN!

MISS-advantage: She’ll think you “owe” her once she remembers she doesn’t wanna die alone and starts harassing talking to you again.

3. A videogame (AKA a gift you’ll like that you know she won’t)- while the last item is not exclusive to the videogames, it’s the best for this example. Say that you really want to do the same things with her that you are in to. After that buy something you want like a videogame that is a first person shooter. When you give it to her explain “This is so you can get better at these kinda games so we can play together”

MAN-Vantage: she won’t do that obnouxious crying thing and will pretend that it’s the sweetest thing ever, but get frustrated within the 1st 20 minutes of failing trying to learn. Eventually she will hate the game, give it to you, and get to bitch to her friend how it was a shitty gift.

MISS-advantage: It won’t give her the FULL MISS-satisfaction she truly craves because it was a “sweet” idea.

Men, notice that this is all little shit that if a man complained about you would immediately slap him and call him a bitch. THAT is how you will know you are giving her the disappointment that truly makes her woman soul or lack there of happy… Because if you aren’t making them happy, lord knows they will blame you for them not being able to create happiness for themselves.

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  1. Spot on! What happened to El Chauvinisto? Have you taken over? If you have, keep it up, I like it!

  2. El Chauvinisto is still alive and well, but after 2 years sometimes you seek other men to make it better. I'm a contributing writer who signed on because there have been a lack of MANLY updates in 2009, and I wanted to do my part to help. Seeing as I write as a hobby part time anyways, and I have TONS of material so I figured I'd do my part to keep chauvinism alive. Keep checking back, I will have new rants every month. I'm aiming for one a week, but if I don't I will atleast get in 3 per month MINIMUM. Glad you like it.