El Chauvinisto: Chemistry Lesson
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Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Chemistry Lesson

Thanks to "christianj" at mabtw.com for this one.

ATOMIC MASS: Accepted at 53.6kg, but known to vary from 40-200kg
OCCURRENCES: Copious quantities in all urban areas
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES: 1. Surface usually covered in painted film.

2. Boils at nothing; freezes without known reason.

3. Melts if given special treatment.

4. Bitter if incorrectly used.

5. Found in various states from virgin metal to common ore.

6. Yields if pressure applied in correct places.


1. Has great affinity for gold, silver, and a range of precious stones.

2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.

3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason.

4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity increases greatly by saturation in alcohol.

5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USES: 1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.

2. Very effective cleaning agent.
TESTS: 1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in the natural state.

2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.

HAZARDS: 1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.

2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other.

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1 comment:

  1. Nice.

    You guys should open up a blog at blogs.mabtw.com I'd be interested to know what you think.